Walking through baby loss awareness week: All grief matters.
Why is Baby Loss Awareness Week important, and whose grief might we unintentionally overlook when we think about baby loss?
Baby Loss awareness week runs from 9th October 2026 to 15th October 2026 and this year marks the 24th year since the awareness day first began. Historically, baby losses were not always spoken about openly and the bereaved families affected by the loss were left holding their grief alone. Baby loss awareness week has helped improve the conversations for many bereaved parents. However, it is important to note that the week does not only support the parents of neo-natal losses or those whose babies stillborn, but the week also honours those who have experienced miscarriage and the grief that surrounds failed IVF cycles.
What losses are experienced through miscarriage and unsuccessful fertility treatment that others may not always recognise?
The IVF journey and trying to conceive can be a difficult path to walk. With IVF implantation or a positive pregnancy test, a narrative begins to be built around what this new life might bring, a future imagined, with hopes or dreams of what that future life might look like. With miscarriage or a failed IVF cycle, it is not only the initial loss that is difficult to navigate. There is also the loss of those hopes and dreams that were built up in that narrative, a realisation that the imagined future will now no longer happen, that plans will no longer get fulfilled, and that parental identities are still waiting to come into being. Each due date anniversary can be heartbreaking for the parents involved wondering what that child would be like.
Why can comments such as "it wasn't really a baby" or "you can try again" feel so painful for someone who is grieving?
Well-meaning family members and friends may hope to ease the pain of loss by offering reassurance, yet comments such as “it wasn’t really a baby” or “you can try again” have the opposite effect. Rather than providing comfort, these statements can minimise the significance of the loss and leave bereaved parents feeling unseen in their grief. When others dismiss or downplay the depth of what has been lost, parents may begin to question whether their grief is valid or whether they have a right to grieve at all. This is often referred to as disenfranchised grief, a form of grief that is not fully recognised or acknowledged by others. It can leave people feeling isolated, confused and unsupported at a time when they most need understanding. Rather than trying to “fix” the loss, it is far more helpful to acknowledge it. The grief and heartache that can follow miscarriage or a failed IVF cycle are real, valid and deserving of compassion.
How do people continue to remember babies who were never held, and why can dates such as due dates and anniversaries remain significant years later?
The way the initial loss is experienced and supported can have a lasting impact on bereaved parents. How they grieve after may depend on whether there is a desire to try again, whether there is a sense of time pressure, particularly for those who are aware of their fertility changing with age, or whether the next stage depends on fertility clinic timescales. It may be that grief is not fully felt and instead pushed aside for the next step towards parenthood. Yet grief does not simply disappear because it has been set aside. Although initially ignored, it may come to the fore at other times like a friend’s pregnancy announcement or baby shower, at family gatherings where young children or babies are present, seeing babies of a similar age. Due dates and anniversaries can be particularly poignant, especially on what would have been a big birthday or at a particular milestone, such as when they would have started nursery or school. These moments can bring difficult questions and reflections: “Which school would they have attended? Would they be sporty, academic or both? What type of person would they have become.” Although the baby was never held, they often continue to occupy a place in their parents' hearts and memories. Grief does not always mean forgetting and moving on. More often, we learn to grow around the loss. The pain may become less overwhelming, but the bond and the love often remain. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no set timescale for acknowledging, processing or living alongside the loss.
What can Baby Loss Awareness Week bring up for those who have experienced miscarriage, infertility or failed IVF treatment?
Bereaved families may notice grief feeling particularly present during the awareness week. It may be of a comfort to some, or it may feel overwhelming to engage with for others. Timing of their loss may be particularly important in whether the week has a positive or negative impact for them. As such it is important that they show compassion to themselves. This may mean limiting time on social media and avoiding the awareness week content. They may want to take time for a walk, spend time in nature, or connect with supportive people. Alternatively, they may be happy to connect with the remembrance events or participate in the Wave of Light at 7pm on 15 October in memory of every baby who has died. We each handle grief differently and it is okay to find your own way through it. Whether you talk to friends or family, reach out to a baby loss or miscarriage charity or speak to a counsellor, you are not alone. I offer support to those grieving no matter how soon or how long ago the loss.
"What would it be like to give yourself permission to remember, grieve and honour this loss in whatever way feels right for you?"
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